I have one question for you… are you prepared to be coached? Well, it doesn’t matter whether that answer is a yes or a no. Because it’s happening anyway! Nicki Vee is the world renowned Coaches Coach (and one of the original Master Coaches!), and she knows exactly how to get you in exactly the right state to best serve your clients… and get them in the first place.
It’s a very simple concept: in order to be an effective coach, you have to be coachable. That sounds pretty straightforward, but you’d be surprised at how many coaches (of any sort) don’t see the point in being coached themselves.
This… is a problem. And it’s one that Nicki Vee (one of the longest serving coaches in the world, and a founding member of the CSA) is tackling head on, with the lightest of touches.
It doesn’t matter how great you are at marketing, at sales or how polished your brand is. If you’re not ‘world class’ and showing up in the right way, you can’t serve your clients as a coach.
In order to get to the point where you can serve people as coaches, you have to first be open to coaching yourself. Luckily for us, Nicki Vee is the master (quite literally!) of this.
In this seminar, Nicki Vee will coach you. She will give you clarity and she will send you away better prepared to leave your employed role (if you have one!) and start coaching at the highest level, straight off the bat. If you’re already a fully operational coach, you will come away from this better prepared to grow.
Prepare to be coached and pick up some valuable coaching skills in the process.
The Audio Training
In the next 80 minutes with the wonderful Nicki Vee, you will learn…
– How to show up at the top of your game
– A breakdown of what coaching is… and what it actually means!
– The Straight Line Coaching approach
– The three critical questions you need to be asking
– The V Coaching Strategy
– About the all important OFM Moment
– The toughest question you will ever ask your clients
Want some more? We have all of this (and so much more!) available to our members. Join now for free, and find out why thousands of coaches across the country have done the same. The first 30 days are on us, and you can cancel at any time. Go on 🙂
NV: Nicki Vee
MK: Matthew Kimberley
A: Audience as a whole
A1, A2, etc: Interjections from individual members of the audienceNV: So, I have a question for you. Prepared to be coached? Everybody here up for being coached? Yeah, good. You’re in the right place. So, I have a question for you: What must you get this weekend? For you, in your life. What must you get? I’m serious. What must you have happen this weekend so that your life goes from wherever it is right now to wherever you want it to be?
NV: Very good. What’s critical to resolve right now, in your life?
A2: (Inaudible 0.00.44)
NV: Fantastic. So, think about it. We’re right at the beginning of this amazing weekend, in this incredible profession. Toni and I have been working, with the APCTC, with Chris Black, to take this profession to the next level, and that’s why we’re talking here this morning about mastering. Becoming a master of coaching. And if you’re sitting there in the audience going, ‘But hold on, Nicki – I’m not a coach. I’m a trainer’, or, ‘I’m a consultant’, or ‘I’m an alternative practitioner’, or, ‘I’m a therapist’, or… anybody else got a title that I haven’t mentioned? No? Good. Because that’s the whole field that we’re working in. And so, my outcome, for the next one and a half hours, is to give you the right kind of information, and ask you the right type of questions, so that you get whatever it is you’ve come for this weekend. Does that sound good? Fantastic.
Because, as Matthew said, I’ve been around this field for a long, long time, and I believe in it. I believe that it’s the best profession in the world. Some people call it the “helping professions”. I prefer to say I assist, and I mentor, and I coach coaches, trainers, and consultants, to become a master of this art called “coaching”. And to earn a handsome living from it, yeah? Because otherwise, as I say, if we can’t master that… and mastering that art means lots of things in master coach world. It means, first of all, showing up in the right place, yeah? Showing up… who here has not really decided they even want to be in this profession, or you’re not clear on your niche? You’re not clear what you’re going to be an expert in? How you’re going to show up? Who here’s not ready quite yet to start? Okay, so this one and a half hours is for you, because we’re going to talk about why it’s so important for your clients to know what you stand for, know what your philosophy is, know what you’re an expert in, know what challenges you understand, at the best level. And the rest of this time, for you, is going to be about taking some of those coaching questions, and utilising them so that you can start right now. Because those people who had their hands up, of all those people who had their hands up, I’m assuming you want to get started. And you might find that something that happens in this next hour and a half gives you a clue, or maybe an ‘Aha!’ moment, or a real realisation that that’s what’s preventing you. What’s stopping you. Those of you who are very experienced in the coaching field will know that expression, where people need to know why they’re not going forward. They need to understand what their patterns of behaviour are. They need to understand what it is that’s stopping them having the life they want, the profession they want, the career they want, the finances they want, the relationship they want. So it’s for you if you’re really starting, or many you’re really experienced in this field, and you go, ‘But you know what? I’ve still not get enough clients. I still am not charging the fees I want to charge. I’m still not the go-to expert, the person that everybody talks about as being the go-to expert in that part of this business. I’m still not getting keynote speaking engagements.’ So if you’re really experienced in this field, what I want to do for you – as best I can – is to show you what mastery of this art really looks like, and what it means. And then there’s going to be lots of you who are in between.
So maybe you’ve started out, and you are in the… oh, let me just explain, also, what I believe about this field. And that is: I believe it splits… Tony and I work with many, many coaches, trainers, and consultants, and we normally split into two when we’re talking about marketing. Because, of course, it’s all those parts of this business. There’s getting clients, there’s attracting new clients, there’s what we call “conversion”, which is taking a client from “interested in having time with you” to becoming a paying customer. And then, of course, there’s the delivery – whether that’s a package, or a product, or whether it’s time with you. And so what we do is: We say, ‘Look, the marketing part, the “how you’re going to attract new clients and convert them into paying customers”, splits very into clearly into two sectors for us. And that is: If you’re going to be working in corporate, in large organisations; or whether you’re going to be assisting people in their private lives, relationships, health, fitness, finances, business, small SME businesses. So, who here has already, is already, or would like to work in the corporate part of this sector? This field? Oh yeah. Quite some… so I’m assuming that the others of you are looking, or thinking about, or have been working with people who… you’re dealing with them privately, in their private lives, yeah? And so what we say is that, look, there’s a different way of marketing to those people, and that’s something that I’m going to share with you in a moment. Just why that’s very different in our book, and how mastery of that marketing part and this marketing part… because here’s the thing: The thing that saddens me the most about this field, and I’ve purposefully used that word “saddened”, is that I believe it’s so needed in this world. You only have to watch the news, yeah? To know what’s going on. People are disconnected. People are scared. People have fears. People have lives that they’re not happy in. I was talking to a gentleman outside, and I said, ‘If there’s something you must get in this next hour and a half, what would it be?’, and he told me what he wanted. What he wanted to get. And I said then, ‘So, if you get that, what will you be?’ He went, ‘Happy’, which I thought was a fantastic answer. Absolutely fantastic. Because the thing that saddens me is those statistics that have been around for a long, long time now, which is that ninety-five percent of coaches, trainers, consultants, alternative practitioners, and therapists, fail within the first year without getting a paying client. That is a very frightening statistic, and I believe that that is because those people haven’t had the right mentors. They haven’t had the right guidance. They haven’t had what you’re getting this weekend, to guide them, to show them how a fantastic business in this field can work. And I think that’s why we’re so dedicated to that. We want to catch those people, and some of those people have spent a lot of money on training to become whatever – whether you’re a coach, a trainer, or a consultant. So, who here’s spent, already spent, a lot of money on training, to get to the level that you’re at? Yeah. Nearly all of us. I spent fifty thousand pounds, seriously, over a few years, getting trained in the States, in the nineties, to become a coach. To become a coach professionally. And so a lot of you will have spent that kind of money, and therefore you’ll be going, ‘Look, I want to do this professionally.’ Because I go, ‘If you cannot master this, then what’s likely to happen is: You have to go back to working for somebody else. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but that may not be your desired outcome.’ So, who here is actually working in a job at the moment, and would like leave that job and become self-employed? Great. So, a few of you. And I think we’re very aware that often you’re looking for a lot of certainty in order for you to “jump ship”, as they call it, leave your employed role. Or, you might be a trainer who goes into companies, or trains people in open sessions, where you actually know that you could be serving people at a much higher level, and therefore you could be charging higher fees.
So we want to share with you what it takes to get that certainty, so that you actually feel confident and certain, to leave the job, charge higher fees, go and present yourself so that you become a speaker, get those emails and those videos to work so that people click on and buy your stuff online, or if you’re a corporate, you stop having that awful situation where you go and see somebody, and they go, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t have the budget. Come back next year.’ These are things we want to share with you – some simple tools and techniques, today, so that you can get a better result right now. So I have a second question, and for those of you who have said… actually, I’m going to ask three all in one go. What do you want to get? What do you want to have happen? what’s critical for you to resolve right now? And the reason why ‘What’s critical to resolve right now?’ is my favourite question is because if you’re going to serve the person who you are working with, who you are the professional coach to – and if you’ll forgive me just for this session, I’d like to just call it “coaching”. But what I mean is: Using coaching questions and tools and techniques in order to make your business work, and even more importantly, for your clients to get the results they want. So, the reason why ‘What’s critical to resolve right now?’ works is because it hones down to clarity. Because… who here wants to get more clear? Of course. We want to get more clear, because we’re going like, ‘When I’m confused or I’m not clear, I don’t have a campaign that works, or a series that works so I don’t have a technique, or I don’t have a conversation that works, that brings me more clients of the right fee… when I’m not clear about what the problem is, then I can’t move forward.’ And then all our old fears come up, and we can’t operate. So the second question, or bunch of questions, is: ‘So what is going to happen if you don’t get that this weekend?’ If you don’t get that, whatever it was you said that you must get, or whatever you said was critical for you to resolve this weekend, what is going to happen if you don’t get that happening? What’s going to happen if you don’t resolve it, or sort it, or handle it? Because when we ask a person that question – ‘What’s going to happen if you don’t?’ – they start to think about the impact of not having that. They start to think about the consequences, and the ramifications, and the impacts, and the effect. And they start to get clear about urgency. Because often, when I talk to our clients, who are people like yourselves – some of our clients are in the audience right now – when I speak to them, what they find is that they really get clear, by working with us, they get really, really clear that they need to master this, so that it becomes integrated. It becomes automatic, so that they can serve somebody even before that person’s a client. So, one of our philosophies is this: That we want to assist you to show up in the way that’s going to attract people towards you. Number one. We want to give you some questions, some conversation that you could have with somebody, so that they get what you can do. That’s number two. The third thing, and I think I absolutely believe that it’s this third thing that causes that ninety-five percent to fail in the first year. And by the way, of the remaining five percent, the average income is seventeen thousand, five hundred in this field. So who here would be happy with seventeen thousand, five hundred? Nobody. Somebody might be. There’s always one person, of course. Because sometimes our lives dictate that we want to do this on a part-time basis, and that’s okay. But most people in the audience who I know want to have this as a profession, and you want to be earning a handsome living from it. And it’s that third thing, being able to take somebody from “interested in having time with you”, or having your product, or having your package, to becoming a paying client. It’s that third thing that actually is the thing that stops people being successful, in my view. In my experience, it’s that third thing. So that’s what we put a lot of emphasis on. On our master coach programmes… I’ll be honest with you. When I very first started the master coach programme, I thought I would be just teaching people like yourselves the advanced skill stuff, which we do. We do lots of different things.
We share how to change places with somebody. We share how to use props. We share how to use techniques, and all the different models. Some NLP techniques. How we use all those things, so that the person that we’re coaching or training with gets the best experience. But then, when I’d been working with some people for a very short time, I recognise that they needed real skills in order to convert somebody to a paying customer, and so our whole master coach programme is all about taking your professionalism to the next level as a master of this, so that you not only serve your clients and your clients come back for more, and are happy to have you as their coach for a long period of time, but that you know you have mastered being able to get that business. So we know that that’s really important, and that’s what I want to give you today. I want to give you that today.
So, the first thing: I just want to give you a bit of background, just so that you know who I am. So, as I said, I’m Nicki Vee, and I have a background as an HR director of a public company, and this was my… I think you can see. This was the Hippodrome Corner on Leicester Square and Charing Cross Road. That was my office. Apparently the busiest street corner in western Europe, and I was responsible for about seventy-five nightclubs, restaurants, hotels, and pubs, bars. And three thousand staff, and around seventy, eight million pound turnover. And I was also the ops director, and the HR director. So, what I learned in that time was: What works, with individual people. And I recognise that even though I was the director and I was giving them lots of techniques, I was giving them lots of instruction, and lots of clarity about what our outcomes were, and how we were doing, and all those sorts of things… I recognised something: That when I was one-on-one with somebody, in a very confidential, personal way, and I asked them questions about them, and what was preventing them from having the performance they want, what was preventing them getting to the next level, if that was what they wanted… when I started to recognise how much of their private life was impacting on their business, really got that. If they had somebody who could ask them those questions, who could help them to have realisations… because here’s my absolute top line about coaching, and that is that what it is not, in my view, is: It’s not giving advice, in anyway way, shape or form. Because here’s the thing – what I learned was: The nature of the mind is that when you give somebody advice, they go into their heads, and they go, ‘Is that right, or wrong? Could that work, or couldn’t it?’ That’s what’s going on. If you ask them a question that makes them go inside, and answer the question for themselves, then they start to process that. They process the answer to the question. Then they start to get realisations about themselves, and that’s why what we call our “V Coaching Strategy”, which I’m going to show you, is a different strategy than most coaching and training. So I’m not in any way saying that any other coaching training is not fabulous, because I believe that whatever tools you’ve got in your toolbox are the perfect tools for you. And yes of course, you might want some additional tools, and that’s all great, but if you find a way to use them, with the questions that you’re going to share with you, so that actually they land and somebody goes inside and has a realisation that they’ve never had before about themselves, or about their business, or about their health, or about their relationships, or whatever it is you’re sharing with them, and often what they’ll do is: Even if you’re talking to them about their business, they’ll start to have realisations about their private life, of course. What I realised was that coaching really needs to be about asking questions, so that they start to have realisations, so that they make decisions that they follow through on. Because what’s the truth? How many of you have done a session with somebody where they get very excited at the end, and they say, ‘That was really great. Really interesting. I can’t wait to start’, or, ‘I can’t wait to do it’, and then they don’t follow through? How many people have had that experience? Yes, of course. We all do when we’re starting out, and some of us even with more experience. Sometimes we recognise that we’ve used mentoring, or training, or consulting, a little bit too much.
We’ve given them our strategy of how to do something, but we haven’t used enough coaching questions in order for them to decide, at a very deep level, that this is going to work for them. Because obviously we need to check in as coaches always, to say, ‘Look, what level of belief do you have that this is going to work? When you think about doing this’, whatever decision they make, ‘What’s your level of belief that this is going to work for you?’ One of my favourite questions, which I know you’ll know, is the scale of nought to ten. So let me ask it you, so that we get real clarity as well. So, on a scale of nought to ten, are you nought… and by the way, the reason why… I don’t know whether you heard the music that I had to come on. Which is “It’s been a hard day’s night, and I’ve been working like a dog.” And I choose that… Tony and I were talking about what music I was going to use, and we were going to use ‘All You Need is Love’, because I do believe this is the loving profession too, but I said, ‘No, no, no, because look, over the period of my time in this profession, there’s been a lot of hard day’s nights when I feel like I’m working like a dog, and nothing’s working.’ Who here has had any of those hard day’s knights, and been working like a dog? Thank you for your honesty, right? Are you here, where nothing seems to be working. Your emails don’t work, your videos aren’t working, you’re going and seeing people, you’re just not… something is missing. Or are you here? ‘I’m a ten out of ten, I’m charging the fee I want to charge. I’ve got loads of clients, and I’m having the life I absolutely love.’ Where are you? And what number are you? Anything in between that? So who here’s a ten? Nine? Eight? Seven? Six? Five? Four? Less than four?
We need to get started. Because, seriously, I like… Chris said to me, about speaking today, and he said, ‘I expect you’ve prepared?’ And I went, ‘Actually, no. I haven’t.’ I’ve prepared a few slides to show you, but actually what I’d like to do is: I’d like to ask you what you need. And I’ve been asking people all day, so far. What must you get? So who here, in answer to the, ‘What must you get? What’s critical for you to resolve this weekend?’ Who here… it was about getting clients? And would you say – keep your hands up if that’s about finances as well. Yeah. Well, who here is about finances? It’s about getting your money sorted out. Great. Who here was about relationships? Okay. Health? Different things. Anybody got anything I haven’t mentioned? Shout it out if you want to share. No? Great. So, the majority of you are here… let me tell you, you’re in the right place, because the whole three days is going to be lots of people like myself sharing with you the absolute nuggets of their experience in this field, so if you haven’t been to this summit before, get very excited, because you’ve got some seriously experienced people sharing what works for them, and what I expect you’re doing is what I was doing when I was sat in the audience like you – I was going, ‘I just need to get something this weekend that changes things from wherever I am at a five or a six’ – or a seven. I think we got one seven, or a few sevens. So things have to change, otherwise… it’s interesting, from a coach’s perspective, is that I often ask people, ‘What’s going to happen in the future if you don’t get this handled?’ And some people go, ‘Oh my God, it’s unthinkable. It’s just unthinkable.’ But a lot of people say, ‘It’ll stay the same.’ And I always say to them, ‘Do you know, that’s not my experience. When, over the period of the years that I’ve been coaching, what I’ve noticed is that when things don’t get handled, sorted, resolved, fixed – whatever you want to call it – things get worse. They don’t stay the same.’ Because that gnawing-away-at-you that goes, ‘[Sighs] This is hard. This isn’t working for me’, that gnaws away at you. Therefore your energy levels are low, therefore you show up differently, therefore it actually gets worse.
So, I just want to tell you a little bit, as I say, about my background, just to… I don’t want to take loads of your time, because I just want to tell you the relevance of the fact that I was HR director. I understood exactly what people needed in order for their own performance, and their own challenges, their own fears, to be discussed with somebody on a confidential basis, and I kind of went, ‘Oh my goodness. This is how I can assist people massively more than standing in front of them as a director of the business, going, “Here’s the results, and we need to do better”.’ That was not… I had this eureka moment where I suddenly realised, ‘If I can sit with people privately, and really coach them so that they get a realisation that they follow through on, and then make a decision what they’re going to resolve, and what they need help with or whatever, things are going to improve.’ And they did. And at that same time, I went – as I said – to America. I spent lots of money on getting trained to be a coach at a high level, and for those of you… if anybody here doesn’t know who Anthony Robbins is… so I’m coming clean, now. Here’s my mentor, coach. For those of you who don’t know who he is, he’s an American. His tagline is “The World’s Number One Success Coach”, and he was my mentor, and I studied with him from the mid-nineties, and then became one of his trainers, and so I utilise, interestingly… a lot of people say to me, ‘What’s your philosophy based on?’ And it’s based on the fact that he teaches other coaches how to get results quickly with people. So, Tony and I have put together this V Coaching Strategy which actually shows you what he does. And he’s not everybody’s cup of tea, but his results stand for themselves. And so when I show you the V Coaching Strategy, you’ll see how Robbins works, how Tony and Nicki Vee work, how many of our clients work, within their businesses – so they’ve got their own identity, as a coach, or a trainer, or as a consultant, and then they use our strategy in order to help those clients get results. And, in order to get clients in the first place as paying customers. But the relevance of showing you this is that a) I was an HR director with a million-plus pound budget for coaching, training and consulting, so I know how companies buy, and I know a lot about that, so anybody here who’s in – that wants to be, or is – in the corporate world, I’d love to share time with you, to share with you, maybe, a mastery of getting into corporates, because I know how they buy. But then I left that business, and I went to BUPA. In fact, I was headhunted to go and turn around a small division of BUPA. And it was at that time, because I was now a trained coach, that I stopped. When I was here… here was Nicki Vee. Well, it was Nicki Brannon then, actually. Different name. It was before I met Tony, and I was working seven days a week, seven nights a week, stressed to hell, and getting best results I could get. And I did really well. When I learned how to coach, and I worked for BUPA, I was getting there at half past nine, leaving at four thirty, five o’clock, spending time with people, just developing them and coaching them. And my results went through the roof. So this division that they asked me to turn around was losing half a million a year, and then in a year, I took it to earning a million pound a year. And I tell you that not to impress you, but to impress upon you that coaching works. I mean, in Mr. Robbins’ organisation, he’s stopped calling it “Coach Academy”. He calls it “Leadership Academy”, because this is what leadership’s all about. It’s about developing the people within your organisation, or your team if you’re a smaller team, so that they get the results they want, and that for me is why I’m so passionate about coaching. So that was my background. So when I left BUPA, because I stayed with them a year, I actually then became an executive coach going into companies. So I’ve done corporate from buying and selling, and my little claim to fame is that in my first year as corporate coach and executive coach, I earned a hundred thousand without a website – well, obviously, it was a long time ago. People didn’t really have websites so much then. Without a website, without a brochure, without a business card. I didn’t even have a business card. I definitely didn’t have an qualifications. I didn’t have a piece of paper with letters after my name. I didn’t have anything. And I’ve been into public sector and private sector. So it’s a fallacy, in my view, that you need lots and lots of anything. You just need to be world-class.
You just need to show up in a way, in an identity, that says, ‘This is what I do for a living, and I’m at the top of my game.’ And I didn’t have one person, in all the time I was exec coaching, ask me, ‘Well, what’s your qualification? Are you… have you got a degree?’ I left school when I was fifteen, okay? So then, I happily got this business doing exec coaching, and I worked with Sky Television, and I worked with lots of different big companies, and then I was whisked off my feet – in Kuala Lumpur, actually – by the great Tony Vee, who was also already coaching, and Tony was working with entrepreneurs. Tony has actually never had a job. He had a P45 when he was about seventeen, and he had a paper round when he was nine, but apart from that he’s always worked for himself. So that’s why when we have our clients that we mentor, he really assists tem with how to work with people privately. So I tend to assist people who are going to corporates. We both train the actual art of coaching, and the Tony helps them with the marketing, because what happened when we got together is: Somebody said to me, ‘Would you go and speak in Ireland?’ Some Power Team Group, if anybody’s heard of them. And I said, ‘Yes. What NLP or Robbins tool do you want me to teach?’ And they went, ‘No, we’d like you and Tony to come and talk about your relationship, because it looks great.’ And so we went to speak in Dublin. We were supposed to speak for three hours. We were literally… neither of us are smokers, but we got the – as they say in London – “back of a fag packet” and wrote three things we believed made a great relationship, a great intimate relationship, and that was the beginning of 2004, and that’s twelve years ago, and from that start – from when people wanted more time with us, either in groups, having coaching and training on intimate relationships, either as singles or couples, to having individual time with us, and one of our USPs is when we coach couples, we go and live with them.
Yeah, I thought that just might bring a smile. Tony did our website, because he’s brilliant at websites and all that sort of marketing, and in the website he put this one little paragraph saying, “If you can’t come to us…”, because we had this retreat in Austria called “the Happy House”. We found it… long story, how we finished up in Austria. We didn’t even know where it was, either of us – obviously, geography was not one of our greatest strengths – and we were looking for a hotel to do our own events in, and somebody came running up at an event like this, and said, ‘I hear you’re looking for a hotel. I’ve got one that I want to sell, and I want to sell it today, cheap.’ We went, ‘That’s cool.’ And so we finished up in Austria in this fabulous hotel for five years, and yeah, we’re there, and we’ve got this little paragraph that says, “If you for any reason can’t come to Austria, or you can’t come to us” – because we used to do two events a month; one five-day event, one seven-day event, for couples and singles, on intimate relationships, and said, ‘If you can’t come, we’ll come to you.’ And we got this email from this guy, saying, ‘How much, and when can you come?’ Which is obviously – as you’ll all know from your first session – there’s a style that just says, ‘How much and when can you come?’ And Tony wrote back, ‘Ten thousand. Wednesday.’ And we just got two tickets to Florida, and that was our first experience of going to live with a family for a week, and they had four children – a twelve, a five, a three, and a seven-week-old baby – and she, sadly, was alcoholic, and he was workaholic. And we lived with them for a week, and they went from literally, literally trying to kill each other to having a very loving experience. So, I wanted to share our background. So I’ve got this… going into a load of corporates, getting a big contract – my biggest contract was coaching twenty people in the same business. My first client was South West Trains. I literally went to see them, talked to them about what I could do, asked the questions that… you know what they’re saying, Tony? ‘For God’s sake, give us these questions, so that we can actually use them.’ Asked them the questions I’m going to give you in a minute, and they said, ‘Can you confirm that in writing?’ And I wrote about a paragraph on an email. The next week, so phoned me, and she said, ‘Nicki, I’m sorry we haven’t got back to you yet about the coaching.’
She said, ‘But we’re waiting for the other tender documents to come in.’ So, anybody here been in corporate? Knows how big a tender document is? Well, probably nowadays it’s a big file, but when I was in corporate it was like this, and they put the proposal on the table like this, and you’d have to read through it. I’d sent one paragraph in an email, saying how I could assist them, and a week later, she phone up, and she said, ‘Nicki, we’d like you to come, and we’d like you to do this coaching programme with some of our people, but I only have one question: Could you do it for fifty thousand?’ I did what you’re doing. I just went, ‘Yes.’
And the spent a hundred and seventy-five thousand with me. I coached twenty of their top people for a week. So that’s kind of my marketing expertise, but Tony then developed this… we had a website that Marks & Spencer would be proud of. Cost us a fortune. Not one of our better decisions, I don’t think. We went a bit too far. So, the great thing about what we share with our mentoring clients is: We share with them… look, you want to spend the right amount of money on what backs up your marketing. What back office system are you going to have? What website are you going to have? How are you going to make all that work so it doesn’t cost you a fortune, and you finish up with no clients? You’ve got to make that work, so his expertise is definitely in that. So, over the period of time that we were in Austria, we’d built a great business of events, and so we have a lot of expertise. I haven’t time this morning, unfortunately, to go through that, but obviously something that we do on our advanced courses, on our weekends, that we do, on master coach. And there’s time… it was interesting, because I had a client yesterday who’d just been on one of our weekends, because… just to bring you up to speed, it’s that when we started working with the APCTC, the first thing that we did was provide a Monday morning mentoring call, a webinar call, for members. Anybody here been on our Monday morning mentoring call? Oh, thank you, so much. Please… other people, what it is: You can send your question in, and Tony and I theoretically do an hour… it’s normally about an hour and a half, or something like that, answering your questions. And we started doing that for the APCTC, and we got such great feedback that Chris said, ‘Look, I’d like you to create a weekend. A weekend, so that people can get all these skills, and all these business skills, and these marketing skills, so that they can take their businesses to the next level, so that this profession starts to get the respect that other professions like doctors and dentists and lawyers and accountants and people like that have, because they have that professional CPD, that Continuous Professional Development, that this business needs. So, what he did, Tony literally took us to… we took a thousand Euros in three years with an event campaign. Literally. And most of that came from us doing speaking London – we used to fly back once a month. Speaking. We would do a three-hour slot, or a forty-five minute slot, speaking, and then people would come to our events. And actually, when they came to our shortest event, we had a seventy percent take-up on our advanced events, and my truth: I believe the reason why we were so successful, and still are – we still get a lot of referrals. We’re quite unique in the way that… because many people who teach coaching don’t actually have their own clients. We often have these weekends where we go and live with a couple. I have a single woman’s programme called “Let Him Find You”, so that’s an online programme. We’ve got lots of things going on in the relationship world, and so consequently, the great thing about that is that you can tap into some of our experience on how to make this kind of business really, really work.
So, I’ve just said a lot about the marketing. And this something that I said a long, long time ago, and that I absolutely – as you’ve heard me say – believe: That knowing how to present yourself, either physically – if you’re speaking or you’re networking… networking. Huge opportunity to show up in a great place. So, I was going to start telling you about the lady that came yesterday. She’s on our… she came to one of our weekends, and learned more of what I’m talking about today. And she came to see me yesterday, in The Thistle, in the lounge.
And she said, ‘Nicki,’ she said, ‘I went to my first networking yesterday.’ And she said, ‘I…’ She is a coach, who works with people in estate agency, right? And she said, ‘I went to this networking, and I actually met an estate agent.’ I said, ‘Fantastic.’ She said, ‘So I decided that I would trial your questions, to the letter.’ And she said… I had a little chat with her, and she said, ‘I decided…’, because one of the things we teach is: We say, ‘Look, I can give you the questions, but how you ask those questions is absolutely vital.’ Does that make sense? We’ve got to be in rapport with somebody. We’ve got to be… if we’re networking, and we get too intense, and we start… anybody know anybody who gets too intense, and gets very “coachy”? And starts trying to coach people if they’re not being asked to coach them? It’s not… yeah, everybody’s nodding. It’s not nice, is it, if it happens to you? So, what we do is: We teach this lighter approach. The lightness-of-touch approach, and so she learned this. So she said… I actually said… she said, ‘I thought it was a bit heavy to say “what’s critical to resolve”. So I said, “You know, how’s it going?” And the person said, “Oh, you know, we’ve just opened a new branch, and to be honest, it’s not going that great”.’ And she said, ‘Well, what are the challenges?’ So she told her. ‘She said, “Look, we’re trying to get it very quickly up to the same as the other branch, and it’s really not working”.’ So she just said, ‘So what’s going to happen if you don’t get that handled?’ And she said, the person said, ‘They’ll close us down, and I’ll have no job.’ And so my client just went, ‘Oh, I see.’ And the lady said, ‘I’d like to talk to you. Please come to my office. I’d like you to help me.’ Three questions: ‘How’s it going?’, ‘What’s challenging?’, ‘What’s going to happen if you don’t?’ Asked with a lightness of touch, and she said to me… it was quite funny. We had an hour and half in the lounge last night, and she said, ‘Now I’m going, on Tuesday. Nicki, now I need to revise the next set of things’, because now the thing that causes most coaches, trainers, consultants, alternative practitioners and therapists to fail is that they get to go and see somebody, or they get on the phone with somebody, and somehow they come off the phone, and that person still hasn’t bought. I’m going to suggest that every single person in the room’s had that experience, right? And so I can honestly tell you that as I developed this series of questions that are there to serve the person… this is not some sort of slick sales technique.This is so that you really serve that person. And I’ll tell you something: Nobody’s ever asked me the question, ‘So what’s “coaching”?’ Because I’ve already done it with them. I’ve already asked them questions that are coaching questions, and so they’ve had an experience of what I do, so like my client yesterday, that person went, ‘Please can you come and talk to me? Please can you come and help me with this, so that we don’t get closed down?’ Right? She didn’t say, ‘Can you coach me?’ She’d already been coached. Do you get what I’m talking about here? Great. So, I believe in this so strongly. I believe that it doesn’t matter. I don’t care how good at marketing you are. I don’t care how great your campaigns are. I absolutely believe that if you’re not world-class as a coach, or using coaching questions, you’re going to fail. And so that’s why I wanted to give you everything I can today. So, Nigel is holding things up, telling me to get on with it. So I will. So, what I learned, all those years ago, when I was HR director, was that those communications, those personal times I had with somebody where I asked them questions that made them think, and have new realisations, I realise that that’s what needs to happen for people to get the results they want in life. I also realised it was very much what I’d been taught by Tony Robbins, and so one day Tony and I were in Austria, and we were with a group of coaches. And we went to the Czech Republic or something for the day, didn’t we, Tone? And we were having… at our advanced events, what we’d do is: We’d give you a whole video series to watch, so that when we’re on a five-day group programme, we absolutely… we’re doing it.
It’s not for the faint-hearted. We’re actually coaching. I don’t agree with roleplay. We’re actually taking live issues, and practicing coaching each other, or – even more importantly, because of what I’ve said – we’re actually practicing those conversion conversations, either on the phone or in person, that are going to get you those paying clients. And we were in the Czech Republic, we’re in a hotel there, and we’ve got a group of coaches and they’re working with each other, practicing. Because we’re in a safe environment for them to practice stuff, try things out, and Tony just went, ‘Look, hold on. Stop a minute.’ He said, ‘What’s the problem here? Why are you… who here feels like they’re getting nowhere?’ And they all put their hands up. And Tony said, ‘My suggestion is that it’s because you haven’t got clarity.’ You’re trying to coach something… you know what I mean by coaching something that’s like wielding? It’s like leggy. And it made us… so he went to the board, and literally, went like this. He went, ‘Look, what we’ve got to do is: We’ve got to get to the bottom of things. We’ve got to get to the core of the problem.’ And we suddenly realised we’ve got a V, and we’re called Vee, so forgive us for the cheesiness of it, but we obviously call it “The V Coaching Strategy”. And what I’ve realised since then is that a lot of coach training, which – as I said, and I truly mean this – I think that all of the training you get is valuable, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with anything. Any of it. I think it’s brilliant, and I think you need as many tools in your toolbox so that you can serve people as you can. And a lot of what’s taught at first level is what we call “straight line coaching”, which means… the person is here, and they want to get to here, and the coach assists them with a plan to get along there. And they might ask… I always call it… they might ask some opportunity questions, like, ‘Well, how could you do it differently?’, and all those different kind of questions. They’re fine, but they don’t always get to the bottom. If you get clarity, so that you really get what the person’s problem is, what the challenge is, what the issue is, and then you ask questions that give them a realisation of the depth of the impact… so if somebody’s got a problem, and you help them see what the impact of that is, what might they be realising?
A2: (Inaudible 0.47.45)
A2: (Inaudible 0.47.50)
NV: That they have to act. Because, like I said earlier, otherwise it’s just going to get worse. The other thing that they’re going to be realising is: They’re going to be realising that this is having more of an impact than they think it is. Make sense? And so, one of the questions is: So, what’s the impact? What’s the consequences? What’s the challenges here? What’s the effect here of having this problem? Then, even more importantly, we need questions that get down to the core. And just to give you an overview of this, so that you can use it, I’m going to give you my six favourite questions, and we’re going to use them here today. Excited?
NV: Good. So, in these questions going down the V, as we call it, when we’re getting to the core of stuff, we find some out, as coaches, and we find out some valuable things. Anybody not know what I mean by “cause and effect”? Anybody not know? Good. One person. I’m going to tell you anyway [laughter]. The Nicki Vee version. Again, I’ve always known about the statistics of the level of failure in this profession, and I always used to think that the reason why people failed was that they didn’t get clarity. They couldn’t convert. I thought all this, and I still believe those things. But I actually do believe that if you do not have that skill, and that mastery of this art form, that helps you to help people look at themselves, then this business is not for you. We have to be brave in this business. We have to be brave enough to ask the tough question. Does that make sense? Because one of the toughest questions you can ask somebody is about themselves. And I think… again, I call it an “art form”, because you need to be in a lot of rapport with somebody.
Say, for example, again, I was talking to this lady yesterday, and she’s going to see this estate agent. She’s going to see two people: The person she met at the networking, and the person who owns the business. And so when we were talking about the conversation she’s going to have when she goes to see them next week, I suggest to her that she only asks questions about the business, not about the person she met. And the reason why there’s this subtlety that really is going to make the difference between getting this person as a client, or getting this business as a client, is that if you go too far too soon, you’re actually going to get that person to back off. Because they’ll go, ‘Look, I wanted you here to help me solve my business issue. I didn’t ask you to come and ask me, in front of my boss [laughter], about me and my behaviour.’ And so, for the gentleman that was asking, when people are at effect, they’re blaming everything outside of themselves. When Tony and I do intimate relationships, we’re very fortunate that we basically don’t advertise much intimate relationship work – we have a lot of referrals, because obviously, quite importantly, people want to feel that you are trustworthy, and that you are going to be confidential, and all those sorts of things. So often it’s just by word of mouth – somebody will say, ‘Look, if you’ve got a problem, talk to Tony and Nicki Vee. And what do you think the first thing that they tell us on the phone… what do you think is the first thing they tell us about when you say, ‘How can we help you?’ What do they do? In intimate relationships?
A3: Complain about their partner.
NV: Complain about their partner. Talk about the other person. That means they’re at effect, and in a way, you can’t assist them if you start trying to coach them, or mentor them, if you’re more of a mentor, or advise them, if you’re going to advise them on how to handle their partner. It won’t help. Whereas actually, if you can ask them some questions that help them to look at themselves… so I have my number one question, and it’s hard for people to answer, and it’s the first question I ask. Because I believe that if they phoned up, or if they come towards you because you’ve got some great video out there or something like that, they come towards you, they’ve come towards you because they’ve had enough of things not being how they want to be. There’s a great expression that says: People, human beings, will do so much more to move away from pain than they will ever do to move towards pleasure. Have you heard that? People will do so much more to move away from pain than they will ever do to move towards pleasure. You’ve got to understand that in your marketing, but even more importantly, when you’re coaching somebody, if you start talking about what’s great, what’s working in their lives, my belief is that’s not worth paying for. It’s a nice conversation about things that are working. If you’re really going to be successful in this profession, and I know you can be, then you’ve got to ask the tough question. You’ve got to ask this person: ‘So what are you doing that’s giving you this experience?’ Which is what I say to them on the phone. They say, ‘My partner,’ him or her, ‘is doing this. I don’t like it. Can you help me?’ How to stop them doing it. And I just go, ‘Yes. And can I ask you: What might you be doing that’s giving you this experience?’ And it’s quite a shock. That question is quite a shock. Can you imagine that? But you see, that means I’m serving them right from the get-go. And I believe that. That’s my ethos. It’s that like… I’m not coming up here, going, ‘Let me…’ There’s this horrible old expression: “Give them the sizzle, not the sausage”. Have you heard it? I go, like… I want you, like so many others of our clients, to go away from this hour and a half and use something that has an impact. Your next client is in this room. Because you all specialise in something. You all specialise in something, even if you don’t think you do. Because our speciality is our experience, it’s our knowledge, and it’s how our own philosophy on life… it’s what’s worked for us, what we’ve overcome, okay? But if you use some questions that helps that person really get clear on themselves, you will… they will walk towards you. You’ve been the catalyst for them having a new realisation. Do you get how powerful that is? Because then, what they do… so you ask these questions, and they start to look at themselves.
And then what you’re looking for is: You’re looking for them to be honest about some behaviour, some believe, or maybe some strategy. And this is a perhaps more subtle thing – if people start talking about strategy, it means that perhaps they’re not quite ready to look at themselves and their own behaviour, and that’s all good. I don’t think we’re trying to make people do things. We’re just serving them as best we can, and we ask them these questions so that we get some clarity. We’ve got clarity about the problem. We’ve not got clarity about the thing that they’re doing that’s creating for them – that means at-cause-of – that’s creating for them a situation that they don’t like. So this is all about what’s not working. And I’m aware that this is new to lots of people in this field. But if you trust me at all, because I’m the grandmother of coaching [laughter]… can’t decide whether I like that or not. I am a grandmother, so, yeah. Without this… so, if you said to me, ‘So why, Nicki, do you think the five percent remaining is only earning an average’ – listen to that. Average – ‘of seventeen thousand, five hundred?’ That means there’s people on six figures and seven figures and beyond, of course, but it means that the average is seventeen thousand, five hundred. I come to this: If you don’t get questions that get people here, they’re not having realisations. And what we want them to do is have an “OFM moment”. Some people call than an “aha moment”. Anybody here not happy with swearing? Please tell me now. We call it an “‘Oh, fuck me’ moment”, right? Because you’ll remember it. Is it Jung, or Freud, that says if you shock, that people remember it? So, the OFM moment means that they go, ‘Oh. I never realised that.’ And if you have that skill, to ask people questions so that they go, ‘Oh, I didn’t realise that’, what you do – as the beautiful young lady said before – you create urgency in them. And you’re not doing that because you’re trying to get their money off them – you’re doing that because it’s going to be important for them to be urgent about it. They’re going to make, then, a decision that they make. The likelihood of them following through on that is much, much higher. It isn’t a hundred percent, because human behaviour… because, look, again, when we talk to people about their intimate relationships, or about their business… so, when we mentor people in their businesses, in their coaching business, or training, consulting, we say to them… we ask them all these questions. We go, ‘What are you doing that’s not working?’, and they’ll normally say, ‘I’m not confident enough. I’m not certain enough. I realise that I’m moving away from people because I’m not… I don’t really want to ask for money. I don’t believe in myself enough to charge the fees I really want to charge.’ All those things. They start to recognise their behaviour. We go, ‘So, could it be that that is what’s preventing you from having the business, and then the life, of your dreams?’ They go, ‘OFM!’, and we go, ‘What decision are you making inside of yourself right now?’ And they go, ‘I need to take action. I need to take action now, and this is the action I’m going to take.’ Then we have what I call “opportunity questions”. So, what action are you going to take? When are you going to take it? What’s going to be the ramifications, positively, of taking those actions? And also, what might be the challenge with making that decision? So, you can imagine in intimate relationships, if that decision is not to be in a relationship, there are consequences of that, yes? In business, there are consequences of realising you are not moving forward. You’re not talking to people, or you’re not making the sale, or you’re not making the conversion, right? And therefore those questions. So that’s the V Coaching Strategy, and I’m going to give you those six questions, and we’re going to do those before I finish on stage today. Great.
So now, I just want to do a tiny, quick recap of the four steps. It’s about you, and we always say you need to be using the V Coaching at a ten out of ten, so that you show up in the right identity and a great energy with complete certainty about yourself as a coach, or whatever title you use.
The second thing is: How do you have that two- to three-minute interaction? Either on video, or in email, or through the phone, or in person at networking. How you have that two- to three-minute interaction, like I was explaining that this lady had at the networking event? How do you have that, at two-out-of-ten level, with using the V questions so that your outcome is more time? So you’re not trying to sell anything here. You’re just trying to have that person have more time with you. And that works brilliantly, like I’ve explained – just one example of that from the lady I spoke to yesterday. But I’ve had many, many coaches say that just being able to go to a networking and come away with lots of appointments has transformed their business. So what has to happen then, of course, at number three, is: We always call it the twenty-five- to thirty-minute… it might be longer than that on the phone or in person. Or that might be a sales letter, or it might be video sales letter, that actually is at the five-out-of-ten of intensity, so it’s not too intense, it’s not too like [makes uncertain noise]. It’s like a five-out-of-ten of intensity, but this person, then… you use the V Coaching Strategy in order for that person to buy from you. If anybody can’t see that, it’s a pound sign. So that anyone… the fourth part is that when you are in session, and you’re at a ten out of ten, you’re using the V kind of strategies, and all your other tools of course, that actually this person gets their results, so that they come back time and time again, or refer you to other people. And those four steps, for me, are the basis of this business. Again, if we can’t get all those four steps right, this profession is not going to work for us. So, I know that the most difficult one is the third one. Many of you… who here feels completely confident that once somebody is a client, that you can serve them and they will have a fantastic experience? Yeah, a lot of you. Who here knows that they show up at a ten? Maybe there’s… oh, a few of you. But maybe there’s some work that needs to be done there, so that you really show up in that… what we call a “master coach identity”, so that you stand out, and people know who you are and what you stand for, what your philosophy is. You’re the go-to expert. That needs some work. This is a ‘How do you interact on a two- to three-minute… with some key questions?’, that I’ve already given you today… I can guarantee you. I would love it… what I love is: Whenever I do this, at this presentation, that I always get half a dozen emails within the next week that say, ‘Nicki, I took what I took from your talk, and I took those few questions, and I went to a networking situation’, or, ‘I got those questions into my email, to my clients, my client list, and I got… doubled my… the results I got. I got double the amount of people click my link. I had double the amount of people come towards me. I got double the amount of names to go and see, so I know that those questions work really well, but this is the toughie: Because it’s human nature, unless you’re a very, very skilled salesperson, to feel kind of nervous about really asking somebody for the business. Does that make sense? There will be people in the audience that go, ‘Actually, Nicki, that part of it I’m good at, and there’s other parts of my business that I would like to improve.’ But the majority of people I come across, they go, ‘The conversion part is the most difficult.’ So, this could be extremely chaotic, what I’m going to do next. Are you all up for a bit of chaos?
NV: Good. So what I would suggest that… you utilise the person next to you. Right? And that you work with the person now. First of all, no rules. Nicki Vee does not like any rules. If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. Nobody’s going to try and make you. And also, I would urge you – if you’re sitting next to your partner, or your partner in business – to turn the other way and work with somebody you don’t know, because I think you’ll get a better experience of it if you work with somebody you don’t know. But I was speaking once at a multi-level marketing conference.
Anybody know Juice Plus? It’s beautiful. Products. And I was speaking to an audience, about this size. And I said what I’ve just said, and I said, ‘Look, I would suggest you work with somebody who’s not your partner’, kind of thing. And we did the exercise, which we’re going to do… and the reason why I’m telling you this is because I urge you to do it, because I think you will have a) an experience of asking those questions, and seeing how the impact… on the other person, but also you’ll get the experience of going inside and actually experiencing being coached at this level. And one of the things I think that, as coaches, we’ve always got to be coachable. We’ve got to look at ourselves, just like we’re asking our clients to look at themselves. So I’ve done this exercise, which we’re going to do right now, and then a guy put his hand up. He was right in the back row. And he said, ‘Nicki, I just want to give you some feedback on how it went.’ And I said, ‘Yes, thank you, sir.’ And he said, ‘First of all, we didn’t. We violated your rule’, he said. I said, ‘That’s good. I like people who violate rules.’ And he said, ‘I worked with my wife.’ He said, ‘And I asked her the questions, and then she asked me the questions.’ Just like you’re going to do now. He said, ‘We spoke more truth to each other in the last five minutes than we’ve spoken in twenty-five years of our marriage. I want to thank you.’ That’s what you could do for another human being right now. That’s why I urge you to do it. Because I have the love for this profession, and to share as best I can, how you can serve human beings, humankind, mankind, whatever you call it, at a very high level. So, good. So, this could be chaotic, as I said. I am going to put some words on the board. I am going to put six questions. Now, some of you… because I teach personality styles too, as the gentlemen did at the beginning, some of you are going to be mad-crazy to try and write those down. Some of you are going to go, ‘Let’s just start.’ Some of you are going to go, ‘Oh, let me look at those questions, and let me take them in.’ I would urge you [laughter], because we’re very short on time, to trust, so that when you decide who’s going to go first, that the person who’s going to go first as a coach stands so that they can see the words, and the person who’s being coached stands with their back to here, so that actually what you do… and the reason why I urge you to do that, is that actually, if you look at the words, and then the person, how much more rapport are you going to have with that person than if you’re looking down at something you’ve written? How much more rapport? Hundred times more rapport. And so, the impact you have with those questions, even though you perhaps might need to look and read them off the screen, the impact you’re going to have, the likely impact on that person, is huge. Compared to looking down at something you’ve written on a piece of paper – or worse still – they stand there waiting, and you are still scribbling down. So, I promise you, if you want to have those questions. You don’t need to write them down now. You can come and see us, we will give you them, and that is what we do at our weekend, which I’m going to tell you about in a minute, if you feel that this is something that you are drawn to doing, to go to the next level with us. So, I’m going to put them on the board. If you pick your partner, if there’s anybody who hasn’t got a partner, if you put your hand up, Tony and Nigel will find you somebody to work with, and I’m going to put them on the board. So if you could just start, and when you’ve asked the questions… okay, the other rule. There is one rule. Please: I urge you not to ask any different questions. Otherwise a) it’ll take a long time, and b), you won’t get the experience that I want you to get, because these can be used purely on their own. Okay? Great. So here they are.
[Audio fades out, then fades back in again]
NV: So, if you’d like to take your seats. Fantastic. So, a question for all of you – all of you that took part. When you were being coached, when you were being asked the questions, when you were the “coachee” – not when you were asking them. When you were being asked the questions, on a scale of nought to ten. Nought: That was the biggest waste of two or three minutes that you’ve ever had in the whole of your lives. And ten is: You really found that valuable.
You had some thoughts that perhaps you haven’t had before. What’s your score? Nought: Biggest waste of time. Ten: Really valuable, had some new thoughts. So who here got a ten experience, as the coachee? Very nice. Nine? Eight? Seven? Six? Five? Less than five? Great. So now, knowing the score that you’ve got, what you have as the coach, the person who asks the questions, is: You’ve got a gap, unless your partner gave you a ten. Or maybe even a nine. It’s pretty damn close. If you have any other score than nine or ten, then you have a gap somewhere, in the way that you’re asking the questions. And the reason why I say it’s the way that you’re asking the questions is: Anybody can learn a load of questions. Is that right? But not many people can learn the nuances, the craft, the art, of asking it in a way that causes somebody to go inside, have new thoughts, make pictures, all those things. And so what you’ve actually got now is; You’ve got your gap, which is fantastic. Because the first thing we always want is: We want clarity, don’t we? We want to know: Why is it? What could be… and as I say, over my experience, it will be that gap. The “how”, not the “what”. The way that you interact with another human being, whether that’s on video, email, or in person – it doesn’t make any difference. It’s that gap that will make the difference between you having an outstanding business in this field – and an outstanding life because of that, and really feel that you’re living your purpose – and failing. It’s that gap. It’s that kind of nuance. It’s that crafting it. It’s that being the master of it that’s going to make the difference, in my experience. So, who here is happy to share something that they experienced through doing that exercise? Either speaking it, or not. Yeah?
A4: I just found myself… when I was asking the questions, I wanted to ask more questions, to get to the nitty-gritty [overspeaking]
NV: Yes [laughter].
A4: [Overspeaking] stick with those questions.
NV: No, thank you very much for that, and thank you for what she said. What she said is, ‘I’ve found myself wanting to ask more questions, to get to the bottom of it, because I’m curious.’ Thank you for that. The reason why I would ask you not to do what you’re suggesting you do is that… we’re all human beings in this room, yes? And therefore… ‘I hope so’, somebody said. Therefore, we are not capable, when we know somebody’s story, or somebody’s intriguing situation, we are incapable of not thinking about a solution. Those of you who are philosophers in the room will know I’m speaking the truth here. So, in order to really master this art, we have to stop wanting to know more information, because all that information will do is cause you to start thinking about solutions, and of course, as I said earlier… thank you for understanding that. Sometimes, people go, ‘Oh, that’s a bit… surely I can ask more questions?’ Of course you can ask more questions, but what you want to ask more questions on is this: You want to ask more questions to get to the root, the OFM, of the situation, rather than more information. And the thing is… there’ll be some people in the room that say, ‘But hold on, Nicki. Sometimes I need to have more information, because that’s the way I mentor’, or whatever. There’s nothing wrong with asking those questions. One think that will happen is that we sometimes might go into solution-based… and remember what I said earlier: When we go into solution… when we give somebody an… like a suggestion, their mind goes, ‘Does that sound like a good suggestion or not?’ It causes the mind to go into a dilemma, instead of a question that asks them what decision you’re making, or what could work for you. ‘What do you believe is going to need to happen?’, or whatever that question is. That will cause that person to own the answer.
So thank you for that. Thank you for being so honest about. Because this is… the reason why I believe so much in the simplicity of it… I actually do believe that it’s a very simple process, when we understand the psychology that says in order to serve another human being at a very high level – and don’t forget I’m taking about an audience as well. I have one golden nugget, top tip, whatever they like to call… I’ve often mentored people who are speaking on stage. I’ve often mentored… I’ve mentored many people who work one-on-one with people, or in groups. And the number one thing that will cause those gaps to close, and you start getting ten-out-of-ten scores, of it being so valuable, so valuable, and so new thoughts, that they sign up with you straight away and book on your event, take your product, book time with you, is because you have been out of your own way. Have you heard that expression? You’ve got out of your head thinking about their problem, or thinking about a solution, or thinking about the next question, and you have trusted it. Just… I’m going to say something very out-there now: Trusting it that the question comes through you. Now I know that’s a kind of esoteric, out-there kind of way of talking about it, but when we absolutely allow things to come through us, because we are so riveted on the person, that we’re going, ‘Look, my thoughts about what I should ask you next are irrelevant, because I think that if I connect with you at a deep enough level’, and I am talking about with video as well, ‘That I connect with you at deep enough level that you are going to hear my question. Has anybody ever heard the philosophy that says that it’s only seven percent words? Yes? It means that, in order to influence another human being, it’s fifty-five percent physiology – the way that we breathe, the way that we’re… the space between us, the way that we interact, the eye contact. It’s thirty-eight percent in our tonality. It’s only seven percent the words. So when we ask these questions, it’s only seven percent of the fact that it’s going to land with that person, so that they have a really new realisation, that makes them, causes them, to make a decision that they follow through on, which is what coaching’s all about. It’s only when we get out of our own way that we can serve another human being at a very high level.
So, I know that you have that gap, now. And one of the things that I teach my mentoring clients is that whenever you have an interaction with someone, that you do this little bit of a feedback process. Which, as I do… and I don’t write anything down, by the way. I never write anything down when I’m coaching either. And I just say to myself, ‘What worked?’ I’ll be doing it the second I get off stage. I’ll be going, ‘What worked? What served those people at a very high level?’ And I think about it. And I don’t think about what I think was great, like, ‘Oh, I said that. That sounded good [laughter]’, or… I’m thinking, ‘What caused them, like you are right now, to be fully listening?’ What caused you to have new thoughts? And I answer that question. And then I say to myself, ‘What could I have done even better?’ And I do that every single time I have an interaction, or I do a presentation, or whatever. So, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, for your attention. We’re now breaking for lunch, and we’re having lunch for forty-five minutes. So thank you.